Town Pride
by imjustaguy
Summary: BtVSHot Fuzz – Buffy and Willow check out the quiet town of Sandford England – One shot humor


Disclaimer: I own neither BtVS nor Hot Fuzz and I am making no monetary gain from the publication of this story.

Spoilers:

BtVS: Post 'Chosen'

Hot Fuzz: the entire movie

----

Town Pride

Buffy ducked her head down further behind the stone planters as yet another window shattered showering her with broken glass.

"You're sure none of these guys are demons?!?" She shouted to Willow who was hiding behind a parked car as the bullets continued to fly over their heads.

"Yes!!!" Willow shouted. "No demons here!!"

The two of them were in the small town of Sandford, the 'Village of the Year' winner for many years.

What got the Council's attention was the fact that no recorded murders had occurred in the town for twenty years. In fact the town had the lowest reported crime rates in England by a wide margin. But there were an enormous number of bizarre fatal accidents. Particularly in the weeks leading up the 'Village of the Year' contest. As former residents of Sunnydale, California (where 'fell on barbeque fork' routinely appeared on death certificates) the Scoobies smelled a cover-up.

Willow and Buffy arrived that morning intent on sniffing out whatever demonic forces undoubtedly controlled the town.

But they could not find any. Buffy's 'spider-sense' didn't pick anything up. Neither did the detection spells Willow repeatedly cast.

Frustration started to set in when they saw him coming down the street. A cop, riding a white horse, carrying enough firepower for an entire platoon looking like he just stepped out of an action movie poster.

And then all hell broke loose as what looked like everybody over the age of 50 starting blasting away at him. The gun battle lasted a few minutes with lone cop making a good show of it before being joined by a guy who Buffy and Willow assumed was his partner.

The battle soon moved to the market at the other end of town with the mystery cop and his partner now joined by what looked like the entire Sandford police force.

As the sound of gunfire receded into the distance Buffy and Willow came out from their respective hiding places and headed towards the location where they parked their car (thankfully untouched by the violence).

"So, human problem," Buffy said.

"Looks like it," Willow said. "Should we help?"

Buffy shook her head. "We deal with demons," she said. "Besides that cop looked like he had things under control."

"Sounds fair to me," Willow said.

The two continued on when they were intercepted by three people, one man, and two women each carrying a clipboard.

"Excuse me ladies," the man said. "My name is Reginald Faberdasher, my associates and I are on the 'Village of the Year' Committee. Do you, perchance, know what is happening here?"

Buffy turned and saw the destroyed town square with several wounded combatants still lying on the ground. As she turned to say something two police cars (one with a missing door) shot past the trio of judges at high speed as the banner announcing 'Good Luck Sandford - Village of the Year' came loose and drifted to the ground.

Shrugging her shoulders Buffy said, "Looks like a normal day to me."

And with that the two Scoobies departed Sandford.

----

"Twenty years of killing people, just to win some stupid contest?" Buffy said with disgust as she tossed the paper aside.

"On the other hand," Xander said. "Our mayor just fed people to a Hellmouth for a hundred years so he could turn himself into a giant snake."

"Point taken," Buffy said. "Demonic ascendancy clearly trumps town pride as a motive for mass murder."

"I'm just saying as far as whacked out home towns go Sunnydale still wins," Xander pointed out.

"Fine," Buffy said. "Then you can check out the next 'quiet town with a deep dark secret.'"

"What, we've got a list?"

"Sure," Buffy said. "Willow put one together. Based on news reports, death certificates, internet conspiracy theories and some other sources. There are a couple of places in the States. Someplace called, would you believe, Eureka. And another town called, I kid you not, Eerie."

end


End file.
